A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter’s window. The pilot’s sign said ”WHERE AM I?” in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said ”YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the ”YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER” sign helped determine their position in Seatle.
The pilot responded ”I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.”
A man is flying in a hot air balloon
realizes he is lost. He reduces
his altitude and spots a man down
below. He lowers the balloon further
and shouts: ”Excuse me, can you
tell me where I am?”
The man below says: ”Yes, you’re in a hot
air balloon, hovering 30
above this field.”
must work in Technical Support,” says the balloonist.
replies the man. ”How did you know?”
”Well” says the balloonist,
”everything you have told me is
The man below says: ”You must be in
”I am,” replies the balloonist, ”but how did you
”Well”, says the man, ”you don’t know where you are, or where
going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re still in the
position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”
Signs Technology Took Over Your Life1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty’s address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write is letterhead. 2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz. 3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can’t because there isn’t one typewriter in your house, only computers with laser printers. 4. You think of the gadgets in your office as ”friends,” but you forget to send your father a birthday card. 5. You disdain people who use low baud rates. 6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers, and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers` questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head. 7. You use the phrase ”digital compression” in a conversation without thinking how strange your mouth feels when you say it. 8. You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase ”digital compression.” Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don’t have to explain it. 9. You know Bill Gates` e-mail address, but you have to look up your own social security number. 10. You stop saying ”phone number” and replace it with ”voice number,” since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions. 11. You sign Christmas cards by putting: -) next to your signature. 12. Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than: -). 13. You back up your data every day. 14. You know more about the computer than about all of your friends. 15. You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid. 16. On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels. 17. The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely enters your mind. 18. You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perot’s phrase ”electronic town hall” makes more sense than the term ”information superhighway,” but you don’t because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts. 19. You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in advance. But you cannot give someone directions to your house without looking up the street names. 20. You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon. 21. You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it’s okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the product it is selling. 22. You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a-quarter and three-and-a-half-inch sizes. 23. Al Gore strikes you as an ”intriguing” fellow. 24. You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and you actually know where they are. 25. While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a nine-year-old. 26. You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say ”I don’t know” when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up. 27. You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires. 28. You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal. 29. You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions about which is better, the track ball or the track pad. 30. You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don’t use a laptop. 31. You email this message to your friends over the net. You`d never get around to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on the phone. In fact, you have probably never met most of these people face-to-face. 32. You don’t even read magazine articles anymore, unless someone’s keyed them into e-mail and forwarded it to you. 33. You print the itinerary of your vacation from a scheduler software. 34. You pack the laptop computer first for any trip. 35. While you`re away from home, the first three numbers you call are your voicenet, a bulletin board, and one of your e-mail accounts. 36. You are reading this from a screen.-0+
Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof has been developed that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows,
Work = Power * Time
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have:
Work = Knowledge * Money
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge decreases, Money increases, regardless of how much Work is done.
Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More Money you Make.
Note: It has been speculated that the reason why Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard’s math program was because he stumbled upon this proof as an undergraduate, and dedicated the rest of his career to the pursuit of ignorance