I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. Do you need some help?” I asked. She replied, ”I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?” ”Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?” I asked. ”No, just this remote thingy,” she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, ”Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries. It’s a long walk.”-0+
ENGINEER WOH HAI JO AKSAR PHASTA HAI
INTERVIEWS KE SAWAAL MAE
BADI COMPANIYON KI CHAAL MAE
BOSS AUR CLIENT KE BAWAAL MAE
ENGINEER WOH HAI JO PAK GAYA HAI
MEETINGS KI JHELAI MAE
SUBMISSIONS KI GEHRAI MAE
KI CHATAI MAE
ENGINEER WOH HAI JO LAGA RAHTA HAI
SCHEDULE KO FAILANE MAE
TARGETS KO KHISKAANE MAE
ROZ NAYE-NAYE BAHANE MAE
ENGINEER WOH HAI JO
LUNCH TIME MAE BREAKFAST KARTA HAI
DINNER TIME MAE LUNCH KARTA HAI
COMMUTATION KE WAQT SOYA KARTA HAI
ENGINEER WOH HAI JO PAGAL HAI
CHAI AUR SAMOSE KE PYAR MAE
CIGERATTE KE KHUMAR MAE
BIRDWATCHING KE VICHAR MAE
ENGINEER WOH HAI JO KHOYA HAI
REMINDERS KE JAWAAB MAE
NA MILNE WALE HISAAB MAE
BEHTAR BHAVISHYA KE KHWAAB MAE
ENGINEER WOH HAI JISE INTEZAAR HAI
WEEKEND NIGHT MANANE KA
BOSS KE CHHUTTI JAANE KA
INCREMENT KI KHABAR AANE KA
hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65
hire 200 more....... and more.......
hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
lion dies of hunger and frustration
hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour...
he dies of unemployment...
Syntel Method: -
Hire a Cat...
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and
make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....
hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn’t score 60% he will lose the job.
lion dies of the strain?
hire a lion???. oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari
for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes
alive he will get band movement (promotion)
holy cow dies in fear of the real lion
hire a lion.
tell him to merge with Goats (polaris) and reduce his allowance...
lion dies from fear that tommorrow he might become a goat....
hire.. sorry.... purchase a lion(COSL)..
change his timings... (instead of 9 AM... change it to 8: 30 AM )
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....
hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...
the lion dies before joining....
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id.
he will die recieving stupid mails all day........!!!!
Hire a lion....
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idli, Dosa and Vada
No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL...
No good food, No water.. and specially No Beautiful girls
And say him ”Go Ahead be a Tiger”.
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......
Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion...
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends...
No time for food and family, automatically die
THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST
HIRE A LION..
SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE
................................................... KING OF THE JUNGLE! J
MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPREE EXAM
LION TURNS INTO CAT
MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM
......... CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE
SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG
MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!
SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS
................................................ MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE!!!
this?” ”Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?” I asked. ”No, just this remote ’thingy,’ ” she
answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
replied, ”Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries... it’s a long walk.”
Tech Support: ”Well?”
Person: ”How do I know when it’s ready?”
Our hero chatting with some heroin on chat.
Both are s/w engrs by the way and both work for real big MNC’s
Hero: Hey... GM (Good Morning)... How’s u doing today?
Heroin: VGM... Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat
wow... am honored, u know what, my day starts only when I find you
Heroin: Yep... me too feel the same... Brb (be right back)’ll get some
(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat. )
Manager: Hey, I need some help from you
Hero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me
Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime
Given value of n.
Would you give this by today evening?
Hero: I would do that, but I think it’s quite hard, is it ok with you,
Give it by tomorrow evening.
Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]
(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for heroin
All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window... )
Heroin: Hey, am back
Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, he’s kinda..... keeps asking
stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work
Heroin: Yeah, it’s the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers
Hero: Yep, u rite!!
Heroin: Hey, can u do me a favor
Hero: *smiles* sure, why not.
Heroin: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number,
Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it’s real
Urgent for me to work this out
Hero: hey, that’s a one-hour’s work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from
Heroin: THAT WAS THE SAMETHING I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO
YOUR WORK PLACE. YOU KNOW WHO IAM NOW!!
YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!