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I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. Do you need some help?” I asked. She replied, ”I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?” ”Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?” I asked. ”No, just this remote thingy,” she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, ”Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries. It’s a long walk.”

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Joke #25256 posted in the category: Techy jokes.

ENGINEER WOH HAI JO AKSAR PHASTA HAI

INTERVIEWS KE SAWAAL MAE

BADI COMPANIYON KI CHAAL MAE

BOSS AUR CLIENT KE BAWAAL MAE

ENGINEER WOH HAI JO PAK GAYA HAI

MEETINGS KI JHELAI MAE

SUBMISSIONS KI GEHRAI MAE

TEAMWORK

KI CHATAI MAE

ENGINEER WOH HAI JO LAGA RAHTA HAI

SCHEDULE KO FAILANE MAE

TARGETS KO KHISKAANE MAE

ROZ NAYE-NAYE BAHANE MAE

ENGINEER WOH HAI JO

LUNCH TIME MAE BREAKFAST KARTA HAI

DINNER TIME MAE LUNCH KARTA HAI

COMMUTATION KE WAQT SOYA KARTA HAI

ENGINEER WOH HAI JO PAGAL HAI

CHAI AUR SAMOSE KE PYAR MAE

CIGERATTE KE KHUMAR MAE

BIRDWATCHING KE VICHAR MAE

ENGINEER WOH HAI JO KHOYA HAI

REMINDERS KE JAWAAB MAE

NA MILNE WALE HISAAB MAE

BEHTAR BHAVISHYA KE KHWAAB MAE

ENGINEER WOH HAI JISE INTEZAAR HAI

WEEKEND NIGHT MANANE KA

BOSS KE CHHUTTI JAANE KA

INCREMENT KI KHABAR AANE KA

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Joke #82340 posted in the category: Techy jokes.

Cognizant Method:

hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.

give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.

hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit

give them same gobi 65

to eat

hire 200 more....... and more.......

TCS method:

hire a lion

give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary

lion dies of hunger and frustration

IBM’s metbod:

hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour...

he dies of unemployment...

Syntel Method: -

Hire a Cat...

assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and

make sure that he never reaches onsite.

Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....

MBT method:

hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn’t score 60% he will lose the job.

lion dies of the strain?

i-Flex method:

hire a lion???. oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari

for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes

alive he will get band movement (promotion)

holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

COSL Method:

hire a lion.

tell him to merge with Goats (polaris) and reduce his allowance...

lion dies from fear that tommorrow he might become a goat....

Polaris Method:

hire.. sorry.... purchase a lion(COSL)..

change his timings... (instead of 9 AM... change it to 8: 30 AM )

cut down his allowance (coupons etc)

lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....

Patni method:

hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...

the lion dies before joining....

Wipro Method:

Hire a Lion,

give him a mail Id.

he will die recieving stupid mails all day........!!!!

Accenture Method:

Hire a lion....

Send him to chennai

Ask him to stay on bench for a long time

Ask him to eat idli, Dosa and Vada

No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL...

No good food, No water.. and specially No Beautiful girls

And say him ”Go Ahead be a Tiger”.

Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......

HUAWEI Method:

Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion...

Give him work of 3 Lions

Tell him to work late and even on weekends...

No time for food and family, automatically die

THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST

INFOSYS METHOD:

HIRE A LION..

SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE

................................................... KING OF THE JUNGLE! J

MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPREE EXAM

LION TURNS INTO CAT

MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM

......... CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE

SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG

MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!

SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS

................................................ MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE!!!

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Joke #82341 posted in the category: Techy jokes.

this?” ”Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?” I asked. ”No, just this remote ’thingy,’ ” she

answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I

replied, ”Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries... it’s a long walk.”

Tech Support: ”Well?”

Person: ”How do I know when it’s ready?”

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Joke #82342 posted in the category: Techy jokes.

Our hero chatting with some heroin on chat.

Both are s/w engrs by the way and both work for real big MNC’s

Hero: Hey... GM (Good Morning)... How’s u doing today?

Heroin: VGM... Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat

Hero:

wow... am honored, u know what, my day starts only when I find you

on Chat

Heroin: Yep... me too feel the same... Brb (be right back)’ll get some

Coffee.

Hero: OK

(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat. )

Manager: Hey, I need some help from you

Hero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me

Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime

number,

Given value of n.

Would you give this by today evening?

Hero: I would do that, but I think it’s quite hard, is it ok with you,

if I

Give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]

(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for heroin

to

Arrive.

All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window... )

Heroin: Hey, am back

Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, he’s kinda..... keeps asking

stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work

Heroin: Yeah, it’s the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers

are!!

Hero: Yep, u rite!!

Heroin: Hey, can u do me a favor

Hero: *smiles* sure, why not.

Heroin: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number,

given N.

Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it’s real

Urgent for me to work this out

Hero: hey, that’s a one-hour’s work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from

now. ok?

Heroin: THAT WAS THE SAMETHING I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO

YOUR WORK PLACE. YOU KNOW WHO IAM NOW!!

YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!

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Joke #82343 posted in the category: Techy jokes.

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