A Television Program Organizer (Lady) went to make an Interview with a farmer seeking the main reason that caused Cow Madness. (Mad Cow disease)
The Lady: Good evening Sir, we are here to collect information about the reason that causes Cow Madness. Do you have any idea what might be the reason??
The Farmer, stared at the lady and said, ’Do you know that the Bull fucks the cow once a year?
The Lady getting embarassed: ’Well sir, that’s a new piece of information, but what’s the relation between this phenomena and Cow Madness?
The Farmer: Well Mam, do you know that we milk the Cow FOUR times a day!!
The Lady: Sir this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point!
The Farmer: I am getting to the point Mam. Just imagine, if I am playing with your Tits FOUR TIMES A DAY and FUCKING YOU ONCE A YEAR, WON’T YOU GET MAD??
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.
At least dogs do what you tell them to do. Cats take a message and get back to you.
Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
Cat rule #2: Bite the hand that won’t feed you fast enough.
Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Cats aren’t clean, they’re just covered with cat spit.
Cats don’t hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don’t, so that’s all right.
Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
Cats know what we feel. They don’t care, but they know.
Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
I had to get rid of my wife. The cat was allergic.
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.
In a cat’s eye, all things belong to cats.
On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a cat.
One cat just leads to another.
People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.
Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.
There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.
When I wash the cat, it takes me hours to get the hair off my tongue.
You can always tell a cat,
Q: What is the most breathless thing on television?
A: The Pink Panter Show!
Q: What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog?
A: A terrified postman!
Q: When is a lion not a lion?
A: When he turns into his cage!
Q: What do cat actors say on stage?
A: Tabby or not tabby!
Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money?
A: I’m paw!
Q: What do you call a lioin who has eaten your mother’s sister?
A: An aunt-eater!
Q: What do tigers wear in bed?
A: Stripey pyjamas!
Q: Why did the cat put the letter ”M” into the fridge?
A: Because it turns ”ice” into ”mice”!
The top ten reasons why the television is better than the World Wide Web
10. It doesn’t take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
9. When was the last time you tuned in to ”Melrose Place” and got a ”Error 404” message?
8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV.
7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an ”Under Construction” sign.
4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
3. You just can’t find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.
2. Set-top boxes don’t beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.
1. You can’t surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.