An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says ” We`re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive” The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers ”God Save The Queen” and jumps. The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers ”Viva La France” and he also jumps. This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers ”Remember the Alamo” and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.-16+
A big Texan is walking down the main street of Ballinclashett and encounters Liam standing on the pavement beside a big strong horse. This prompts the Texan to attempt to realise a lifelong dream and he says to Liam, Say Boy, that’s a fine-lookin horse you got there, and I’d like to tour this beautiful country on horseback so’s I can see the sights and hear the sounds of the countryside like they did in the old days. I’ll buy that horse off of ya, how much ya want. Liam says, O sure and you don’t want to be messin with this horse he don’t look too good these days. Hey, Boy, says the Texan, Don’t you try to tell me what’s a good lookin` horse an what isn’t. I been tradin` horses all my life long and there ain’t nothin a young country boy like you can tell me about em. Now you jes name yer price and we`ll get along fine. I’m sayin` to ye that this horse is not a good lookin horse mister and ye don’t want any part of `im, says Liam. The Texan is getting angry now. Listen up Boy, he says, you leave me be the judge of what’s good lookin and what’s not and jes give me the price and I’ll pay cash right here and now. Oh well, says Liam, $2000. 00US. Deal! says the Texan and he hands over the money, Liam unties the horse and the Texan leads him off. The horse walks smack into the first lampost in the way, and the Texan turns to Liam and says, Hey, Boy, you a damn swindler, you didn` tell me this here horse was blind! I keep tellin` you he don’t look too good, says Liam, and you kept saying that’s none of my business, so in the end I gave up.-12+
A proud new Texas father buys a round of drinks for everyone in the bar and announces that his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy, weighing a whopping twenty pounds.
”WOW!” everyone cheers, amazed at the size of the baby.
A week later the Texan returns to the bar. The bartender asks, ”How much does your baby boy weigh now?”
The proud father answers, ”A whopping 10 pounds!”
The bartender says, ”What? I know that babies lose a little weight after birth, but ten pounds? How did he lose 10 pounds in one week?”
The proud Texas father says, ”I just got back from having him circumcised!”
A Texas Oil Tycoon and an Alaskan Oil Tycoon were debating on which state had the most oil. The Alaskan Oil Tycoon said, ”Listen, there is so much oil in Alaska that I could buy enough gold to build a wall of solid gold 100 feet tall and 100 feet wide all the way around the state of Texas”. The Texas Oil Tycoon scratched his chin and adjusted his cowboy hat and said, ”Well boy, I’ll tell ya what.... you just go ahead and build that wall, and if I like it....... I’ll buy it”.-17+