Funny jokes for every day
A man was driving down a country road one day at 45 miles per hour when suddenly he noticed a 3-legged turkey running at the same speed beside his truck. Though he thought this odd, the man decided to speed up so he wouldn't cause an accident with the turkey.
The man sped up to 55 miles per hour, but low and behold, so did the 3-legged turkey.
The man then sped up to 65 miles per hour only to again be equaled in speed by the 3-legged turkey.
As the man watched in amazement, the turkey suddenly made a sharp left turn and took off down a side road toward a small farm.
The man quickly also made the left turn and followed the turkey to the small farm, parking out front.
Looking around the man found the farmer around back in the midst of many 3-legged turkeys.
After greeting the farmer, the man asked him why he was raising 3-legged turkeys.
"Well we figure," said the farmer, "that with an average family of 3 people, only 2 can have a turkey leg with an average turkey. But with a three legged turkey, each member of the family can enjoy a turkey leg for of their own on Thanksgiving."
"That's pretty wise," said the man, who then asked "Well how do your 3-legged turkeys taste?"
"I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never been able to catch one."
Joke # 255 from category: Turkey jokes.
The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus." "Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"
Joke # 805 from category: Turkey jokes.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Joke # 863 from category: Turkey jokes.
What Do You Get When You Put A Turkey That Shits A Lot In An Oven??...... dark Meat!!
Joke # 1501 from category: Turkey jokes.
When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something I had to know;
His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of..... Black November;
"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three,
And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin."
"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head.
Then she'll pluck out your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,
And scoop out your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink."
"And then comes the worst part," he said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear end with stuffing."
Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat.
I decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked.
I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked.
I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola.
And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes.
I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed.
But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death.
And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the whole compound.
So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;
I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap.
She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said, "Christmas is coming...."
Joke # 1623 from category: Turkey jokes.