One day Adam’s teacher told the class that everyone must find out a moral for
the next day’s class.
One boy came in and said, ”Don’t count your chickens before they hatch”.
The second boy said, ”Don’t judge a book by its cover.”
Then Adam came in with a broken jaw and black eyes and said, ”I asked my Uncle
Johnny for a moral, and he told me to shut up. I told him he had to help me
because it was homework.” The teacher said, ”What is the moral, Johnny?”
” DON’T MESS WITH UNCLE JOHNNY WHEN HE’S DRINKING!!!’ ’
Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother, For she was my father’s wife.
To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy. I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother To the widow’s grown-up daughter Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father’s wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter’s son.
My wife is now my mother’s mother And it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She’s my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!!
”Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?”
”No Daddy, She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.”
”Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the
table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that
Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”
”Okay Daddy, just a minute.”
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
”I did it Daddy.”
”And what happened honey?” he asked.
”Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”
”Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?”
”He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead”
Then Daddy says, ”Swimming pool, what swimming pool? Is this 937-2819?”
Uncle Sam, a Canadian, and Osama bin Laden are walking down the beach when they find a genie’s lamp. The Canadian rubs it and a genie pops out and gives them all a wish. The Canadian goes first. He says, ”My ancestors were all farmers but I can’t seem to grow anything, just give me 10 acres of fertile land.” Bam, it’s done. Osama says, ”I want a wall around all of afghanastan so not one Muslim can get out and no one can get in, ever.” And bam it’s done. Then Uncle Sam says, ”So how tall is this wall?” ”Well it’s 6000 feet high,” says the genie. ”And how thick is it?” The genie says, ”Well it’s 4000 feet wide nothing can get in or out.” Uncle Sam finaly says his wish: ”Fill it with water.”--9+
Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here’s a listing of some of the lessor known ones...
The grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia........ U. Gogh
The brother who bleached all his clothes white.. Hue Gogh
The sister who wore a mini skirt to dance in bars... Go Gogh
The real obnoxious brother.......... Please Gogh
The brother who ate prunes............ Gotta Gogh
The uncle who worked at a convenience store....... Stop N Gogh
His dizzy aunt............. Verti Gogh
The cousin that moved to Illinois......... Chicah Gogh
His magician uncle.............. Wherediddy Gogh
The cousin who lived in Mexico.......... Amee Gogh
Another cousin who lived in Mexico......... Green Gogh
Nephew that drove a stage coach.......... Wells Far Gogh
Aunt who was a good dancer.............. Tan Gogh