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Quoted fromUnix World, November, 1989:
The grim reality is that every life ends with a death. Funeral homes exist to make that fact a little more tolerable.... UNIX can help here, too. The Gordon Funeral Chapel, for instance, does much of its accounting on an AT class, multiuser machine running XENIX....
... For example, Gordon says his system has to be able to classify two kinds of customer, ”at-need,” those who are actually deceased, and ”pre-need,” those who have made arrangements for funerals while still living. Moreover, the system has to be able to convert one kind of customer to the other as the need arises...

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Joke #19211 posted in the category: Unix jokes.

I nominate this article, from comp. unix. internals, for the ”How Quickly They Forget” award. Name deleted to protect the guilty.

Well I’m trying to restore a PDP 11/04 and am told that a version of Unix was available for it once. Now would anyone know what it was or perhaps have it on 8 inch floppies? Or is it just an emulator running on RT-11??
Sigh.

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Joke #19212 posted in the category: Unix jokes.

Tired of being snubbed by bearded longhairs who refuse to discuss important technical issues with you because your clothes are too neat? Frustrated by marketing people who won’t provide you with essential information because your shoes aren’t shined? You need the UniSuit, the only suit designed exclusively by Unix experts in Texas for the intense fashion demands of the annual joint USENIX/UniForum conference.
Just slip into a restroom and in less than five minutes the beautiful, conservative wool suit is converted into an appropriate outfit for the next USENIX session. The comfortable UniSuit UniShoes with Vibram(TM) soles convert quickly to shiny dress shoes or scuffy, rugged mountain hikers. UniSuit slacks are wrinkle resistant wool blend on one side and faded and patched denim on the reverse. Other UniSuit components reverse to assorted garments of random colors and patterns, guaranteed not to match. Just add your own T shirt statement, and you fit right in with the USENIX crowd. Necktie may optionally be worn as a headband. UniSuit available in grey or navy wool blend. Women’s UniSuits available in time for UniForum ’92.
Also available is the optional UniPack. This fine executive satchel converts into a colorful backpack.
Don’t spend valuable time trying to overcome a first impression. Wearing a UniSuit allows you to focus on the real reasons you attend the USENIX and UniForum conferences. UniPack and UniSuit available at fine clothiers and wilderness shops in your area.

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Joke #19213 posted in the category: Unix jokes.

Stop! Whoever crosseth the bridge of Death, must answer first these questions three, ere the other side he see:
``What is your name?’ ’
`’Sir Brian of Bell.’ ’
``What is your quest?’ ’
``I seek the Holy Grail.’ ’
``What are four lowercase letters that are not legal flag arguments to the Berkeley UNIX version of `ls’?’ ’
``I, er.... AIIIEEEEEE!’ ’

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Joke #19214 posted in the category: Unix jokes.

Modern UNIXes have no sense of humour. I tried typing ``nawk nawk’’ and it just sat there.

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Joke #19215 posted in the category: Unix jokes.

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