Did you hear about the lawyer on vacation whose sailboat capsized in dangerous, shark-infested waters? He surprised his traveling companions by volunteering to swim to the far-off shore for help. As he swam, his companions were startled by the appearance of two dorsal fins -- great white sharks, heading straight toward the lawyer. To their surprise, the sharks allowed the lawyer to take hold of their fins, and escorted him safely to shore.
When the lawyer returned with help, his companions asked him how he had managed such an incredible feat. The lawyer answered, ”Professional courtesy.”
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan, when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, ”Let’s both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.”
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, ”Let’s swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.” At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
”Look,” she said, ”I went along with the blowjob, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!”
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian’s. One of
the dogs was hanging its head and sighing. The second dog turned to him
and asked ”What are you in here for, buddy?” The dog looked depressed,
”I’m in big trouble”, he said, ”My owner has a really nice sports car with
leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he
took me for a ride and I was so excited, I pee’d on the nice leather seat.
Now he’s having me put to sleep.”
”I know how you feel”, said the second dog. ”My owners have a beautiful,
expensive oriental rug. The other day they were late getting home from
work and I just couldn’t help myself... I shit all over their nice carpet
and ruined it. They’re having me put to sleep, too.”
Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room. ”So what are you
here for?” they asked. ”Well,” said the third dog, ”my owner likes to do
her housework in the nude. The other day, she was vacuuming and she knelt
down to vacuum under the sofa, and I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped
on her back and had the ride of my life!”
The other dogs nodded in sympathy, ”So she’s having you put to sleep, too,
huh?” ”No,” said the dog, ”I’m having my nails clipped.”