A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing ”Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says ”I’m sending out 1, 000 Valentine cards signed, ’Guess who?’ ” ”But why?” asks the man. ”I’m a divorce lawyer.
Jack goes to the doctor and says ”Doc I’m having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?”
After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, ”Well the problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There’s really nothing I can do for you except if you’re willing to try an experimental treatment.”
Jack asks sadly, ”What is this treatment?” ”Well,” the doctor explains, ”what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis.”
Jack thinks about it silently then says, ”Well the thought of going
through life without ever having sex again is too much, lets go for it.”
A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light to use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being uncomfortable.
To release the pressure Jack unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a dinner roll and then returned to his pants.
His girl friend was stunned at first but then said with a sly smile, ”That was incredible! Can you do that again?”
Jack replied, ”Well, I guess so, but I’m not sure I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!”
1. Coors put its slogan, ”Turn it loose,” into Spanish where it was read as ”Suffer from diarrhea.”
2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.
3. Clairol introduced the ”Mist Stick”, a curling iron, into German only to find out that ”mist” is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the ”manure stick.”
4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what’s inside, since most people can’t read.
5. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.
6. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of ”I saw the Pope” (el papa), the shirts read ”I saw the potato” (la papa).
7. Pepsi’s ”Come alive with the Pepsi Generation” translated into ”Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave”, in Chinese.
8. Frank Perdue’s chicken slogan, ”it takes a strong man to make a tender chicken” was translated into Spanish as ”it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate.”
9. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as ”Ke-kou-ke-la”, meaning ”Bite the wax tadpole” or ”female horse stuffed with wax”, depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40, 000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent ”ko-kou-ko-le”, translating into ”happiness in the mouth.”
10. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, ”it won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you.” Instead, the company thought that the word ”embarazar” (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: ”It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant.”
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, ? If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200, 000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.?? Now, ? he concluded, ? which bunch do you think they are going to send into battlefirst??-13+